Why Disney Princesses Got Jipped

I get it, the Disney Princesses are meant to be the protagonists of the stories, but does that really mean the guys they married have to be...well...losers? Thank you, Disney, for lowering girls' expectations since 1923.

A friend of mine recently asked me which Disney Prince I'd prefer. Out of all of them, I picked Aladdin. Here's a run down of all the princes to help you all understand how I came to this conclusion.

Beast. 
Let's take into account why he's a beast in the first place. Oh yah, he's selfish and prideful; prob one of those guys who would go around shirtless when it's 60 degrees outside because they like the attention. Then of course he treats his princess exceptionally well by holding her captive. How did Belle fall in love with him again? To quote Perks of Being a Wallflower, I'd say it's because, "We accept the love we think we deserve." So probably because Belle was a social outcast, she fell in love with a guy who treated her like crap. Perfect guys, perfect.

Eric. 
Classic boy liking a girl only because he thinks she's hot. Does she need a brain? Obviously not, because the Little Mermaid doesn't even talk ONCE before he macks on her. We all know that Ariel was intelligent, but if I was Eric and saw a girl combing her hair wasith a fork....i'd MAYBE reconsider deciding she was "the one." Actually, I'd prob take her to a mental institution. Then there's Ariel...the severely mislead girl who thought she could convince a boy to fall in love within a week. Dear Ariel: stay classy.

Flynn Ryder.
If you ignore the fact that he's a thief and completely obsessed with his appearance, then you're left with the fact that he's a complete cradle robber. You have Rapunzel, a young, VERY naive 18 year old who's been stuck in a tower her whole life. Flynn, on the other hand, is a very experienced...get this... 26 year old. WHAAAaaaaaat?!? 0.o Well, at least you made her legal Disney. Oh wait, she didn't turn 18 until the very end of the movie. Which means Flynn was off gallivanting with a 17 year old. Nice.

Captain Li Shang.
Okay, besides the fact that the song "I'll Make a Man Out of You" makes me one happy lady, this guy has issues. One, he's super sexist. Two, he's a bit on the controlling side...and when I say a bit, I mean HOW DOES MULAN PUT UP WITH HIM?!?!? Thirdly, boy was attracted to what he thought was a dude 3/4 of the movie. Finally, let's just say if you're not a color found in an Oreo, you're just not my type.

Prince Charming.
I'm not sure what his problem is. Either Dori's memory is better than his, or he's dumber than a box of rocks. How else do you explain him not being able to recognize the girl who he fell madly in love with? Yah. Thought so. Now, because he can't remember what she looks like, he hauls off her size 4 1/2 shoe to see what girl can fit in it. Seems legit.

John Smith.
Meet John Smith--a bigoted, ignorant, conservative, white guy. Did I mention racist? I don't believe I need to say anything more.

The Prince (Snow White).
*cough* Necrophiliac *cough*
Now, I'm usually for looking past a person's crazy family background....but your future mother-in-law tried to kill you (or put you into a deep sleep. Same thing) I'd maybe reconsider. He also seems to be a bit...boring? Drab? Bland? It's not his fault; Disney was new at creating screwed up Prince characters.

Aladdin.
So we finally get to Aladdin--another thief. So yes, he lies and tries to pretend he's a Prince. Maybe someone could have taught him to wear a real shirt (he and the beast prob hung out in their early days) but ANYWAY...he actually tries to do things for the Princess. He sings pretty songs on a magical carpet. He's the slightly self-conscious nerd who would do anything for the girl. Now THAT is why I would choose Aladdin.