Midnight Musings

As usual, I should be in bed right now.

But it also just so happens that i feel this sudden urge to update my very consistent (cough) blog.

I can lie to myself, okay? It makes me feel better.

The question of the day is this: Why do we ALWAYS want what we can't have??

It's quite dumb, really. I'm not just talking about your heart pounding a few extra beats when you see that cute guy you feel like is out of your league. Granted, I don't have the answer for that kind of wanting what you can't have either, but I mean something different at the moment. I mean the human tendency to take for granted what they have---even to the point where one can convince themselves that they don't even really want it. And then boom. Once it's gone, it's an entirely different story. You'll beg, plead, and do anything you can to get back that which was lost. But it doesn't matter if you really get it back, because the moment you do, you're back at square one. You're back at not caring about what you have. You're back at not being sure if you REALLY want it.

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH US?!?

Okay, sorry to bring y'all into this. The real question should have been "What is wrong with me?" But it comforted me to pretend that everyone else was in the same predicament as I.

So why does it hurt so bad in phase B? Why can't we keep our feelings the same? Why do we have to go around craving what we used to have?

To be honest, it's quite messed up.

Maybe, just maybe....it's like an addiction of some sort. You have the desire to have it...and it's quite difficult to stay away. But once you have that thing, you can think to yourself--eh, it's not THAT good. But then you go wanting it again. MAYBE relationships are really just addictions to other people.

Yup, that was quite the heartless thing to say.

Okay, I'm done. I'm going to bed.

NIGHT!

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Hello World!

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How A Letter Can make everything better :)

Take the word Fat. If you ad an -e to the end, there's hope to send. So instead of being a size ten, you can look to the future again.

Take a letter grade. You stress about a test and then pull out the best that was in you to get a good grade on the test.

Then, my dear friends...take a written letter. It's personal which makes it all the much better.

End rhyme scheme because i can't keep writing these things.

I hate when you tie emotions to memories.

It'll make you happy, it'll make you sad...

but worst of all, it'll make you dream of what you had.

All the people involved, who just watched your world dissolve...

But I guess while they're watching, they'll watch me evolve.

See I have a new goal and soon it will unfold

Through the refiner's fire and trials I'll mold

I have learned a hard lesson in life, don't you see

What you think you want the most, you don't really need

Only once you've lost that thing you thought wanted

You'll find out that ruby was actually tainted

Then you'll see what's so important and meant to be

Only then will you realize what the Lord intended to be

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Espoir

love,pain,confusion. by ~yersizkedi on deviantART

Espoir. Hope, expectancy, prospect, trust.

Aimer. French words are so much better than the English ones.

Confusion. What can't anything be simple?

Trust. You want to give it out so badly, but at what cost?

Clutter. Too many thoughts.

Friends. Have instincts you should listen to.

Family. Build more confidence; contradict.

Relationships. A mixture of a pale pink and black.

Scared. If it was up to me I'd be completely oblivious.

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Note On A Napkin Part Deux

There are a lot of people that come into the creamery. Half of them I honestly can't remember. It just so happened that there was a guy trying to remove a cap with his keys. After watching him unsuccessfully remove the lid, I offered him my assistance. The funny thing was that it didn't even end up being me that removed the bottle cap. It was Britt. shout out! Anyway, their notes are fun to read anyway. And yes, after helping them, they told me they were the same people who left a note the first time. Then, my next day I saw this note taped up on the board at work. I took it :)

Dear The Creamery,

We thought that last time was a Fluke. Amazing service at local grills only happens about once a millenia, and Derek and I thought we were just the lucky recipients of a rare and evasive gift.
But alas, upon our return, the service was comparable, if not better than our previous visit! Derek purchased a Jarritos drink, and was valiantly struggling to remove its lid. As Derek used his last bit of energy and hope to open the bottle, Sheila swooped down with a bottle opener like a utensil Goddess and skillfully removed the lid. Finally, Derek could quench his unbearable thirst, and Finally, we realized the great service of before was not a Fluke. We knew in our hearts that the Creamery Grill was a store that stood for what is right, a store that fought for the common man. In a world filled with corporate greed and economic lusts, the creamery stands strong as a symbol of hope and purity.
--With all the love we posses, Derek and Zach

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T00LS

It is a generally recognized fact that I have in fact dated a lot of tools in my past. Why? I haven't the slightest clue. It's not like I go out searching to find the most dishonest guy who will treat me like like I'm worthless. No, no. I actually do try to find decent guys.
Before I get ahead of myself, some poor souls are wondering, what does she mean by a tool? Besides being any guy i've ever dated (with a couple of exceptions), tools, in my opinion, are just guys who are on the narcissistic/egotistical side who don't really care too much about you. It's one of those, hey, you're replaceable kind of dealios. Overall, they just do really stupid things. And they get away with it.


EXAMPLES:

Guy #1: i met when i was a young 14 yr old girl. He was outgoing, smooth, popular with the ladies. So wouldn't it seem obvious that I would have crush on this boy? It's not like I was the only one. In any case, we dated for a while until I got a call saying that he liked some other girl. AKA he'd been pursuing a relationship with this girl and then finally he had to tell me. Except for oh, he had his best friend call me because he didn't have the nerve. This agitated me a little bit, so when my twin brother asked who called I snidely responded it was none of his business. Not the best approach to someone you're close to.

Guy #2: Another lady's man. Very self-confident, but very sweet every once in a while. So we're dating and the very NEXT day I was talking to a friend of mine. She asked me if there was anything going on between us. I told her we were dating. She was shocked and said she'd back off because apparently that day he had been hitting on her and he had insinuated that he did not in fact have a significant other. So I broke up with him, and maybe out of spite starting dating another guy VERY soon after I broke up with him. Well, this guy ended up being a really decent guy. Very funny...amazing character. Anyhow, the WHOLE time I'm dating this guy, the boy I'm calling guy #2 was trying to win back my affections. He even had the audacity to come up to me, KISS ME, and walk away when i was dating this guy. I seriously stood there bewildered for about five minutes until I could regain my composure. And no, i didn't kiss him back. However, I was totally unprepared and inexperienced at the art of blocking kisses. haha. Anyhow, the guy I was dating and I finally broke up because, even though it wasn't my fault, I still felt guilty about what had happened. The night we break up, guy #2 calls me and wonders if I'm down with dating him again. Wow. It was one of those, hello, I just broke up with this guy. I told him I probably needed some time (understatement of the year). Well, within the week he was dating a good friend of mine.

Guy #3: I had assumed he was a good old country boy. He was very sweet to me, and and he called me beautiful as sort of a pet name. Although he was never unkind to me, he wasn't always honest. Every once in a while I would catch him lying when some stories just wouldn't add up. Then, out of the blue, he stopped answering my calls. Every once in a while he'd answer and say he was busy. So I just stopped calling. I hate feeling clingy. Well, after about two weeks I looked at his myspace page and lo and behold, he was dating someone else! I didn't even get a proper dismissal.

Guy #4: We weren't technically dating. We both knew I was leaving, so we weren't going to make any kind of long-term commitment. However, we went on 1-2 dates a week---which is a lot when you live almost an hour away from each other. Then there was one week where he had stopped texting me as much, and hadn't really called me. You see, one night I brought him to a party, and I introduced him to a girl that was from the same city as he was. Little did I know that in the time after I introduced them, they started hanging out and decided they liked each other. I find out from the boyfriend of this girl that all of this was going on. I don't really blame the girl at all. You see, they had a conversation that kind of goes like this:
Girl: Are you and Sheila dating?
Guy: No.
Girl: Is there anything going on between you?
Guy: No.
Girl: Are you sure?
Guy: Yes, we're just friends.
Well, because we were just friends, I accidentally gave the guy mono who in return gave the girl mono. Karma anyone?


Why, do you ask, am I writing all of this? Well, because last night my roommate and I went over to this guy's apartment. He seemed cool and I wasn't sure if I liked him or not. He was in the past interested, but I knew he wasn't anymore by his lame excuse of him not wanting to hang out because he just wasn't in the mood. I was fine with that, whatever. He was lying...he just doesn't like me and didn't want to tell me. BUT then he facebooked me asking me to come over but to bring a girl with me. Pretty much he wanted to use me to get a girl for his roommate. My roommate (who i brough with me) was uninterested in his roommate. Not only that, but the guy who invited me over was hitting on her!!! haha. Now that, my friends, is a straight up tool. All the more reason to stay away from them.

And now i'm done venting. :) cheerio!

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A Note Left On a Napkin :)

There were these guys who were already sitting down, but I hadn't gotten to wiping down their table so I asked them if I could clean it off for them. They said sure, and I told them it was more sanitary. Then we were joking around about how good of a busser I was and I again, jokingly, told them they should leave a note for my supervisor saying that I deserved a raise. (I even explained to them later that you only get a raise if you become a supervisor and every employee gets a raise every semester they work there. So, here is the note they left (that was extremely embellished and at parts completely made up).

Dear Creamery Grill Manager,

Today my friend Zach and I determined to eat at the grill. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Expecting the usual attributes of modern grilling establishments--untimely service, greasy tables, insect infestation--we ordered our burgers apprehensively.
As we sat down, however, a young lady named Sheila assuaged our fears as she wiped our table down. Using long, broad strokes, she swiftly decimated the bacteria that could adversely affect our livelihood. "Thank you!" We exclaimed in suprise as she angelically glided away.
"You're welcome," she said with a wink.
I turned to say more, but it was too late. She was gone, dutifully cleaning the next table. I looked at Zach, who looked at me. Together we sighed, smiled, and said, in unison, "What incredibly amazingly amazing service. She deserves a raise."
At that was that. Though we had never met this woman, she touched us in a way few human beings ever have. God bless you Creamery Grill.
With sincerity and love,
Derek & Zach

Note: I did in fact NOT wink at them. I should have. haha

Also, I cut my hair!!! ahhh!!!!!

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